Cold Tuesday Evenings

Headline of the year

2012-01-03T20:53:00.002Z

I know we're only three days in, but 'Come on now Jo, walk out Kuffour' will take some beating in the sports headline of the year awards.

If such an award existed, obviously.

Giving up the festive season

2011-12-24T15:35:00.001Z

One of the arguments against a winter break in the UK is that the festive fixtures are part of our football heritage.

I would agree with that, I love catching a bit of footy on Boxing Day or New Year's Day.

The players, however, may think otherwise. After all, they have to give up a bit of exuberance on Christmas Day and New Year's Eve as they will have a game the next day.

Obviously we don't feel sympathy for the overpaid stars who take home thousands every week.

If you get paid that much you can put up with a couple of unwanted early nights.

But what is easy to forget is that there is also a full schedule of lower league and non-league games too.

These players are normal lads who get paid peanuts and they too are expected to give up any fun at Christmas.

So when all of their mates would have been down the pub getting smashed, they would have been having an early night, and all because of a trip to somewhere like Maidenhead the next day.

Of course not everyone would have had such self control.

But if you are a non-league player who gave up your festive season for part-time football you have my utmost respect.

AZ keeper kicks Ajax fan

2011-12-21T20:52:00.001Z

Blimey...

The number one tourist attraction in Colombia...

2011-11-26T11:17:00.003Z

...is surely this.

Who would have thought the best statue in the world is of Carlos Valderama?

First seen at 500 Reasons To Love Football

Milan Jovanovic is one of the best players in the world

2011-10-18T23:45:00.001+01:00

I've not watched Neighbours for many moons, but they always did come out with some cracking lines. Like this one, for example.

Reading the rules

2011-10-09T17:39:00.003+01:00

It's easy to find good online bingo sites with top prizes these days.

But apparently it isn't easy to find out the rules of the competition your football team play in.

South Africa, hosts of the last World Cup, were knocked out of the Africa Cup of Nations last night – they failed to make it through their qualifying group.

There was confusion here as SA would have topped the group on goal difference – except that method wasn't being used to separate teams with tied points.

They didn't know that though and played for a point on the last day which they thought would be enough.

Tottenham's South African player Steven Pienaar, even tweeted his delight that his country were through, until he realised his mistake – teams on the same points would be split by the head to head method.

Under this process, the little known Niger qualified instead – a bit of an embarrassment for the Bafana Bafana.

Now, it seems like South Africa are appealing this decision, which seems absolutely ridiculous.

Surely, they don't have a leg to stand on? They knew the rules before they started playing (well at least they should have). They also would not have complained if they went through in the same fashion and should a footballing nation of their calibre really be failing to beat teams like Niger?

So instead of looking for others to blame, SA needs to have a sit down, begin the inquest and move on to the future.

Oh, and a quick scan of the rules next time might not hurt either.

FIFA critics and FIFA 12

2011-10-05T18:55:00.003+01:00

A fair few lads will be phoning work with mysterious illnesses at the moment, as FIFA 12 has been released.

I even know one person who has booked a week off work just so he can get stuck into a career mode save.

The same guy was up in arms when FIFA awarded World Cups to Russia and Qatar, but any hatred he had towards our sport’s governing body has been quickly forgotten now the latest game has hit the shelves.

Yes, I know EA Sports make it, but FIFA have to be pocketing some cash as their name is plastered all over it.

To this guy, the game is so good that it doesn’t matter if Sepp’s crew get a few extra pennies.

My question is, if you are serious about being up in arms about FIFA, should you give the admittedly addictive games a miss?

Papa Bouba Diop's song

2011-09-05T20:02:00.002+01:00

Why hasn't anyone written a song about loan sharks threatening to kill someone unless Papa Bouba Diop scores I hear you cry?

Don't worry, they have...

Cold Tuesday Evenings takes no responsibility for this song becoming stuck in your head.

Stranraer FC and FC Twente

2011-09-01T21:48:00.002+01:00

A lovely story this. Sometimes football really is the beautiful game. Can't embed the vid, but take a look here if you get the chance: http://eredivisielive.nl/video/22843-fc-twente-tv-30-08-fans-in-schotland.html

Alex Dixon, what a winner

2011-08-21T23:08:00.002+01:00

I've not had time to update this blog for a while - apologies for that. Anyway, to get back into the swing of things, here's some over the top American commentary for a Sunday evening:

Football boot review: Puma Power Cat 2.10 SG

2011-07-27T17:55:00.006+01:00

The football season is back and not only for professionals, thousands of amateurs are returning to pitches in parks up and down the country.

Whether it's the Premiership or down the local rec on a cold, Tuesday, evening, you need to make sure you're kitted out with the right footwear.

I've tried out Puma's Power Cat 2.10 SG boot, an absolute steal from Sports Direct - £30 down from £75.

It's a great looking boot - a classic black colour with flashes of green adding a stylish touch - and it's also great fitting.

Comfort is essential for any player and this boot fits snugly around the foot, allowing for optimum movement around the park.

I certainly didn't have any problems getting about the pitch any initial discomfort that comes with any pair of footwear quickly faded.

Touch was also very good - it wasn't tricky to get the football under control and I was able to complete a satisfying game even while waiting for the boot to break in.

Recommended - have a look at some football boots here.

Balotelli's back heel v LA Galaxy

2011-07-24T22:29:00.002+01:00

Another absurd incident for Mario's scrapbook.

Backwards penalty kick

2011-07-20T18:50:00.001+01:00

Backwards Penalty Kick Goal - Watch more Sports

Hold the back page

2011-07-18T19:04:00.002+01:00

Forget big summer signings, the biggest news of the pre-season has without doubt come out of Basingstoke Town.

Crazy Greek fans part 643573

2011-07-06T16:07:00.002+01:00

I've not come across any fans who are more passionate about football than the Greeks.

I went to an AEK Athens game once, and the train back into the city centre was comparable to a nightclub in full swing.

An area by the train doors was the designated dance floor, the music consisted of various AEK chants and there was even a spot of bother when a window was smashed in.

This video apparently shows the scenes at the first PAOK Thessaloniki training session this season.

Let me repeat. This is not a game. It's a bloody training session.

The bizarre world of Championship Manager 97/98

2011-06-26T14:48:00.002+01:00

Still the best computer game ever created, but when you play for too long things start to get a bit...odd. More of this here if you are on Facebook.

Cinnamon Stick

2011-06-02T21:54:00.001+01:00

A B-side to an England song. Which has absolutely nothing to do with football. Genius.

This is how to chant

2011-05-28T17:16:00.001+01:00

Vienna pitch invasion

2011-05-22T22:06:00.002+01:00

Dodgy.

Won't somebody think of the journos

2011-05-13T19:09:00.001+01:00

The impact of relegation is always discussed to death at this time of year.

Journos write about what the consequences are for the manager, players, fans – even the entire town in general.

However, one group that never seems to get a mention is the reporters themselves.

Sure, no-one wants to read a piece a hack has written about themselves, especially if it's him or her moaning about their dream gig writing about football.

But if you cover a club that goes down, it does mean that your life changes.

You will obviously be writing about a poorer standard of football, in a league less people care about. The stadiums and facilities will be worse and the attendances will invariably be lower.

It makes you wonder if career progression could be affected. Would one of the big writing jobs prefer to appoint someone who has written about football regularly at the top level, rather than someone who spends his time writing on cold, Tuesday evenings further down the pyramid?

Could there even be a scenario when a side gets relegated to such a low level that a paper/radio station etc decides that it'll no longer be sending someone home and away, as there just isn't enough interest that low down?

Suddenly, could a dream gig reporting on football go up in smoke.

So when thinking about the clubs going down, of course think of the manager, players, fans – even the entire town in general.

But how about giving the journalists a wee second of your thoughts too?

An English Clayholer

2011-04-24T15:43:00.003+01:00

I'm going to be leaving Scotland soon after close to two years.

One thing that will always stay with me is an interest in the beautiful game north of the border.

It's not all about the Old Firm up here, there are passionate fans of local teams in small towns all over the country.

As I live in Stranraer, the Blues are the team I naturally have to follow and they will be my Scottish team for life.

It used to be Dunfermline Athletic because of a save on Championship Manager (it's remarkable how many people support teams due to that reason) but you obviously can't beat going to games on a regular basis.

Stair Park is a beautiful little ground, with views of ferries trundling in from Northern Ireland.

Yesterday's match with Annan will be my last for the foreseeable future, but I hope to catch the Blues whenever I can as they've provided me with some great memories.

A thrilling 5-2 win away at Queen's Park, the joy of a late winner against Albion Rovers and a cracking cup tie with Girvan being just a few.

I've got to see the tremendous work rate and ridiculously good passing range of Scott Agnew, the goals of Craig Malcolm, who came out of the junior leagues this season, and excellent goalkeeping by David Mitchell, surely one of the best up and coming stoppers in the country.

A special mention however has to go to Armand One, a French striker who has become a bit of a hero of mine.

His work rate may not be the best, but he has the ability to score fantastic goals in a blink of an eye so you can't really keep your eyes off him.

When he hits the ball it stays hit, and on more than one occasion this season the ball has flown in from thirty plus yards.

Armand has definitely made it into my all time favourite eleven, partnering super Jimmy Taylor up front.

Here's an example of what he can do - the main man's goal is the first one up and it would grace any level.

My favourite Armand moment is probably when he smacked a ball out of the ground, moments before thundering in a long range winner.

Afterwards he said he was aiming for a seagull on the top of the stands which had been annoying him.

The game was delicately poised at the time but he gave the impression that he knew he would have another chance to score - and boy did he take it.

The Blues now have two absolutely huge games left in their race to finish in the playoffs.

Whatever happens, I'll be watching out for their results next season. Mon the Blues.

A surprise leader

2011-04-09T00:39:00.006+01:00

Well, well, I don't think anyone expected this. According to the BBC, the manager of Morecambe is out in front in the Masters.

I can see it now, Sammy striding across the pitch to the Globe Arena dugouts, donning the famous green jacket.

It's a sight I'd pay to see.

Hat tip: Ben Sherwood

Flash Joonas Jokinen Penalty

2011-04-07T21:31:00.001+01:00

Moments later, a member of the oppo presumably went sliding in studs first on this flash customer.

Cutting corners

2011-03-20T00:20:00.003Z

It's not that hard to do a curve. Shoddy stuff at Bacup Borough.

Get him to the ground on time

2011-03-10T17:24:00.002Z

Fabulous story this, shamelessly poached from the Stranraer forum.

It tells the tale of a fan who went above and beyond the normal call of duty to make sure star striker Armand One reached Tuesday night's match with Annan on time.

In the end it made no difference as the Blues lost 2-1 and the supporter slid a van door straight onto Armand's hand.

But it doesn't matter as it is a shining example of what fans are prepared to do at this level of the game.

What fan of Man Utd, Chelsea etc could say that they have done this:

I left Ayr at 11ish and was heading to Dumfries for my final job of the day. Was somewhere past Carsphairn on the Castle Douglas road past Dalmellington when i got a call from Cosmo.

Armand who works for IBM in Greenock had no chance of making the bus at Strathclyde Park as he finished work 5.30pm and his new boss would not let him away any earlier(that was nice of her).

I tried to phone around to get someone to get him however i was hitting dead ends everywhere. I decided to goto another job in Ayrshire and then head up after work to get him.

In the end I took a 1/2day annual leave. Picked the big fella up at 5.35pm and made the journey along the m8 and doon the m74. Had a great run but he was always going to be on the bench as he was never going to make it any earlier to get a warmup. Anyway we arrive and I give armand his sfc sports bag only for me to slide my van door shut straight onto two of his fingers(serious ouch) bloodied and in pain armand went and got changed.

I think he got seen by the annan doctor and walter cannon. Then due to michael letting the side down he came on at half-time bandaged an aww but looked absolutlely jaded for that half. Not surprising he'd left coatbridge at 0615ish in the morning.

Top marks, that man.

Player sent off for tackling streaker

2011-03-08T22:34:00.002Z

Dorchester's Ashley Vickers sent off for tackling some idiot in a mankini.

Ridiculous decision - he should be given a medal for this.

Bargas' Horror Miss (fairly poor from the keeper too)

2011-02-27T14:12:00.001Z

Falklands Islands for FIFA

2011-02-20T16:30:00.002Z

The Falkland Islands should definitely be allowed into FIFA. They could play in that massive South American qualifying group and try to reach a World Cup finals.

Yes, the games against Argentina would be tasty and they lost their first international 9-0 to the Isle of Man.

But imagine Brazil having to go to Port Stanley. It would be excellent.

God bless the bandwagon

2011-02-20T15:28:00.007Z

Football fans love to talk about how loyal they are.

In fact, the name of this blog comes from a cliched story that supporters tell each other to prove their dedication.

One fan will say something like: "I was at Grimsby on a cold, Tuesday evening" (for some reason it's always Grimsby).

When FA Cup weekends come along, and with them the inevitable David against Goliath pairings, we see a phenomenon that annoys the loyal fans among us: the bandwagon supporter.

Take Crawley yesterday, thousands made the journey up to Old Trafford for the clash with Manchester United.

It's easy to get annoyed by this. At the end of the day, it's glory hunting.

They've not been to any Crawley games, they don't know any of the players, they don't deserve to be there.

It's hard not to get frustrated when you hear 9000 Crawley fans singing "we support our local team". The average attendance at Crawley last season was just over 1000.

But the most annoying thing of all is that most of the bandwagon fans won't support the team again, or at least not until the next big cup draw.

I have been one of the most vocal critics of people who just turn up for a day of glory.

One year, Basingstoke crashed out of the FA Cup to Chippenham Town, and on the day our friends from Wiltshire brought absolutely loads of supporters along to The Camrose.

The Dragons were utterly dreadful that day, and it rubbed salt into the wounds to see some of the "fans" of Chippenham relishing our abject performance.

I remember one asking who a guy in a tracksuit was on the line. It turned out to be the Chippenham manager.

As someone who watched Basingstoke week in, week out, on numerous cold, Tuesday evenings, it stung to have the piss taken out of me by someone who was there for a day in the sun.

Some of those people will have never watched Chippenham again after they went out in the next round.

But those type of fans are essential for little clubs, as annoying as they are.

Crawley were perhaps not the best example to use, as their new moneybags status is well documented.

But for other small sides, the cup provides a valuable payday, and that windfall is only provided by the new support.

Non-league sides can only cash in from lucrative draws if the bandwagon rolls into the car park. Not if the usual couple of hundred turn up but no-one else.

The bandwagon may be annoying, but it's a necessity.

And you never know, a few just might get the bug and stay on for the rest of the season, or maybe even longer.

At that level, every supporter is valuable and just ten or twenty new fans would be most, most welcome.

Gary Hooper: one not to lose

2011-02-13T16:59:00.004Z

I first saw Gary Hooper play for Grays at The Camrose, when he was just 16 or maybe even younger.

That side bulldozed their way to the Conference South title and won the FA Trophy twice.

Despite being so young, Hooper was a key part of that success.

Now, after spells at Southend, Leyton Orient, Hereford and Scunthorpe, the striker is making a lot of noise north of the border at Celtic.

Still only 23, he has slotted right in at Parkhead and appears to be loving life in the SPL.

He has gone into that pressure cooker environment, where a win is expected most weekends, and has thrived.

So far his tally is 11 goals in 14 league games, quite a return.

What impresses me about him is his coolness and composure in front of goal, as shown by the video above.

He also brings strength and fantastic link up play to the side, as he seems to have a footballing brain that is well beyond his years.

Last season, he outscored the UK's most expensive player, £35 million man Andy Carroll, in the Championship.

Hooper is just a year older than Carroll and he cost Neil Lennon just £2.4 million, a deal that is already looking like the bargain buy of the season.

There's been talk north of the border about Hooper turning out for Scotland.

Although he was born in Essex, he apparently has a Grandfather who was raised as a Scot.

However, he was born in Berwick so it's unclear whether Hooper will be eligible for Craig Levein's men.

As an England fan, I'd hope not.

Yes, he's doing well in the SPL, hardly the best division in Europe.

But if he keeps this form up then clubs down south will surely come forward, and from then on he could easily break into the national squad.

According to some, Hooper has expressed interest in playing for Scotland if he can.

I'd hope someone would have a quiet word in his ear to say he is very much in the thoughts of the country of his birth.

If Carlton Cole is good enough, then so is he.

Update: Hooper not eligible for Scotland.

Jesus wept

2011-02-11T00:07:00.002Z

The music makes this video for me. A truly incredible football miss. Oh dear, Marlon de Jesus.

Crawley's FA Cup song

2011-02-10T00:31:00.002Z

Erm...

Horrendous refereeing decision: part two

2011-02-08T18:45:00.004Z

We all saw the decision at Boston yeah? Scroll down a little bit if you didn't, and then check out this little beauty from Blyth Spartans v Droylsden.

Stupid footballers: Phil Neville

2011-02-08T18:43:00.001Z

Is this one of the funniest football videos ever? It probably is, yeah.

Karen Murphy

2011-02-04T17:37:00.004Z

Portsmouth landlady Karen Murphy is currently mounting a legal bid to be able to show football in her pub on one of those dodgy looking foreign channels.

I won't go into it in detail, the story is easily googled, but things seem to be going well for her following comments from an advocate general of the European Court of Justice, that are not legally binding.

If she wins the case it could mean a wide choice of 3pm on a Saturday matches being shown in local establishments.

She wants to see her annual bill cut, and foreign channels are cheaper than Murdoch's lot.

Her pending success has been hailed as a 'victory for the little guy' against the might of Sky and the Premier League.

But it could have a serious knock on effect and in fact hurt little guys, in particular little football clubs.

At non-league level finances are often tight, this is well documented.

Showing 3pm kick offs is currently prohibited to protect gates at smaller clubs, and if pubs are allowed to use foreign channels, this ban should remain.

If punters can stay in the warmth of the pub for a 3pm game, some of them will no doubt do just that instead of heading for the non-league terraces.

Every supporter matters at that level and if the floating fan is lost, it could be very damaging.

Take a bow, Yohandry Orozco

2011-01-26T22:21:00.003Z

This is probably the best goal you will see this year. Remarkable stuff from Venezuela's Yohandry Orozco in an under 20 clash with Peru.

Gray, Keys and Charlotte Jackson

2011-01-25T18:49:00.007Z

Is it ironic that an organisation, that appears to appoint its female presenters solely on how fit they are, has sacked someone for sexism?

A warm welcome to Swedish visitors

2011-01-18T18:34:00.004Z

Thanks to a mention on Peter Hyllman's Englandsblogg, on the Fotbollskanalen.se website, visitors to this site from Sweden have reached unprecedented levels.

This is quite frankly excellent news and if any ~~gorgeous blondes~~ of my Swedish guests would like to chat further then that would be great.

Välkomna!

Horrendous refereeing decision

2011-01-16T00:10:00.002Z

I spoke the other day about how those in the Premier League should stop complaining about refs, as it can be so much worse further down the pyramid.

And in today's FA Trophy clash between Gloucester and Boston, I was provided with all the proof I need.

FC United keeper scores

2011-01-15T22:50:00.004Z

Everyone enjoys seeing a keeper get on the score sheet, especially when it is as funny as this.

Well done Sam Ashton.

Diouf - are more of us guilty?

2011-01-11T18:32:00.003Z

If El Hadji Diouf did scream abuse at Jamie Mackie, as he lay on the turf with a broken leg, then the condemnation he received from across the football world was justified.

However, it occurred to me that this behaviour is just an extremely ugly example of something that goes on at most football grounds, week in, week out.

Every fan will have seen an oppo player lying on the deck while the taunts of the home fans ring out across the stadium.

Get the bastard off the pitch is a common chant - some seem to assume that every player from the other lot who goes down must be time wasting.

Sure, some probably are but there are many times when players have actually picked up a knock and need treatment.

A football crowd seems to suddenly climb to the moral highground if a player is stretchered off, usually giving him a round of applause.

But at other times the atmosphere can get quite hostile, and that's just plain sad.

Neil Warnock gained much press attention for his sewer rat comments, but referee Graham Poll said he once sent him to the stands for telling a player to 'break his leg next time'.

Perhaps it is something all of us need to look at.

Describing Rafa Benitez

2011-01-08T21:54:00.002Z

Interesting turn of phrase from Danny Kelly on talkSPORT.

Supporter punches Stevenage player

2011-01-08T20:55:00.002Z

A great victory for Stevenage over Newcastle today, the magic of the cup and all that.

But sadly there was an ugly scene at the end. Hope the cops get him.

You'll struggle to see a better assist

2011-01-07T19:21:00.004Z

Some brilliant non-league skill for a Friday evening. Take a bow Kettering's Jean-Paul Marna for an unbelievable assist.

Five sitters, eleven seconds

2011-01-06T12:52:00.001Z

This lot must have been taught at the Ronnie Rozenthal school of finishing.

Should radio commentary be impartial?

2011-01-05T21:46:00.002Z

Stan Collymore couldn't hide his delight when Villa nicked a point at Chelsea - going absolutely mental live on air.

Is this a refreshing change to what we normally expect on the wireless or a complete lack of professionalism?

The other commentator is Sam Matterface, who is famous for sneaking a glance at Georgie Thompson's chest.

Was this also a lack of professionalism or do we hold our hands up and say fair play?

Could The National Trust own a football ground?

2011-01-05T19:05:00.004Z

I was in Belfast not so long ago, and was delighted to find a pub that was owned by The National Trust.

It was a near replica of what the boozer would have been like in bygone years, and it really was a pleasure to drink in.

After leaving I had a new found respect for the Trust as I didn't know that they managed things like pubs.

I assumed, naively, that all they bothered with was old houses and the like.

As this turned out not to be the case, I wondered if they could perhaps take over ownership of a football ground.

That was something I thought again earlier today when I read this great article at Ffwtbol, that details a deeply worrying situation at Wrexham.

It is mentioned that the National Trust should be looking at the threatened Racecourse Ground, and I think that is a top notch idea.

Football is the national game and is deeply ingrained in this country's heritage so the arenas in which the action takes place should be treated with the utmost respect.

Much has been said about clubs moving out of their traditional grounds and into characterless bowls.

All of these seem to be pretty much the same, with only the colour of the seats changing.

Meanwhile, the old grounds are usually demolished and turned into housing estates and supermarkets and that is a crying shame.

Even non-league sides are doing it these days, with Lego style grounds in industrial estates becoming all the more common.

Yes, there are benefits, but with every ground that goes a bit of the game's character is lost forever.

So could The National Trust come forward and take over a ground?

To be honest it's a sad state of affairs that the possibility has even been suggested.

What a celebrating crowd should look like

2011-01-01T21:49:00.002Z

Giving up the festive season

2011-01-01T13:35:00.003Z

One of the arguments against a winter break in the UK is that the festive fixtures are part of our football heritage.

I would agree with that, I love catching a bit of footy on Boxing Day or New Year's Day.

The players, however, may think otherwise. After all, they have to give up a bit of exuberance on Christmas Day and New Year's Eve as they will have a game the next day.

Obviously we don't feel sympathy for the overpaid stars who take home thousands every week.

If you get paid that much you can put up with a couple of unwanted early nights.

But what is easy to forget is that there is also a full schedule of non-league games over the Christmas period as well.

These players are normal lads who get paid peanuts and they too are expected to give up any fun at Christmas.

So last night while all of their mates would have been down the pub getting smashed, they would have been having an early night, and all because of a trip to somewhere like Maidenhead the next day.

Of course not everyone would have had such self control.

But if you are a non-league player who gave up your festive season for part-time football you have my utmost respect.

Happy New Year

2010-12-31T13:37:00.002Z

Firstly, a big thanks to James Dart for including me in this article, 100 football blogs to follow in 2011. Really appreciate that. There's loads of other good stuff in there too which comes thoroughly recommended.

Secondly, a Happy New Year to all! Hopefully CTE will pick up a bit in 2011 so hope to see you all there.

All the best,

Dan

How Football Should Be

2010-12-21T20:53:00.021Z

Ben Sherwood and Dan Palmer propose the following rule changes for the beautiful game. Will be added to every now and again.

Let us know what you reckon.

*****************************

All diving retrospectively punished – minimum 2 game ban, 3 if attempting to win penalty/get player sent off. Diving at tournaments sees player ejected from the squad.

Bookings can be overturned after the game.

Salary caps.

Reasonable technology.

Blood substitutions.

Pundit licenses – no jingoism.

Transfers capped at €20m per annum, no windows, can't charge fees for loans of players under 22 or with less than 100 professional games. No youth transfers prior to the age of 16 unless player has been released.

No agents - transfers negotiated between clubs, with contracts negotiated by players themselves, buying club, and a mediator from the league, in the presence of independent observers and a representative from the players' union.

A limit on the number of foreign players in the youth set up.

A limit on non EU players in the match day squad.

Post-career and part-time coaching courses provided by the league to encourage players to reinvest in the game.

Every premiership/championship club obliged to play two away friendlies every pre season, one against non league and one v league 1/2 opposition. At least 5 first team squad members must appear.

Playing a weakened team in Europe will see your side banned from continental competition for three years and the manager responsible banned from the touchline for 3 months.

3 club produced players under 21 in every matchday squad. Fines if less than 5 English players in the matchday squad.

Discretionary laws to hand out punishments to anything stupid that happens not covered in the rules.

Masters football returned to a bit of a laugh, held for charity, no one still playing or just finished allowed to play.

No ‘celebrities’ allowed to play in charity games.

Any fan unrest will see at least two games played without that teams fans, either home or away depending on where the offence occurs.

No music to be played after goals.

No pumping fan noise through speakers.

Half time entertainment to be provided by kids’ matches – mini tournament involving schools/local clubs.

Anyone like John Portsmouth Football Club Westwood to be banned from all grounds, and publicly flogged before the cup final.

No instruments.

Sensibly priced food and programmes. Programmes not to be called matchday magazines.

Proper sausages have to be offered alongside hotdogs. All food from local providers where possible. No pizzas/nachos/popcorn etc. No funsize products.

Home Nations Championship every two years. Rotating hosts. Three matches per side, followed by a final. Anyone refusing to play will be banned for one year.

Replica shirt prices capped at £40.

Maximum of one new kit every season.

Boxing Day and New Year’s Day derbies.

International games to be toured around the country.

Cup semis to be played at the most appropriate ground for the competing sides.

No snoods.

Snack Bar locked during play to stop people constantly getting up to leave and making other people stand. Anyone caught looking up other results on their phone/talking about what's happening elsewhere during play to be ejected. Re-entry refused to anyone who goes for a piss during play.

World Cup hosts must have qualified for previous tournaments and have laws promoting inclusivity

Any direct questioning of a referee’s decisions warrants a yellow card. Captains will be held responsible for their team’s behaviour.

If a player is deemed to be timewasting, they will be awarded a yellow card, and the decision will be reversed (a goal kick would become a corner, for example)

NO LINEKER

All clubs to be run as supporters’ trusts

No more protest clubs.

The term ‘linesman’ will be introduced.

Fourth officials to be competent, rather than highest ranking, referees. Current fourth officials to actually referee games.

All keepers in yellow unless internationals, then they're permitted to wear green. Keepers whose team or opposition play in yellow and are not internationals will wear grey. Keepers who are internationals and whose team or opposition play in green will wear black.

No fluorescent kits.

It doesn't count as a hat-trick if two or more goals come from penalties.

BBC Clockwatch journalists should be forced to pass historical and contemporary quizzes on the sport, and pass a competency exam.

Emergency loans not allowed if there's someone in your squad who can do the job or if you've chosen to loan out players who could fill the void.

No coloured boots for young players until they have reached a certain number of first team appearances.

Only players under the age of 21 to play in the under 21s.

Bans for badge kissing, longer if you have only just joined the club.

Good reasons must be given for recalling loanees, not just out of spite.

Internationally capped players can wear the flag of their nation on their sleeve

Restoration of the Rumbelows Sprint Challenge.

No nicknames on the back of the shirt, except for players with names of Portuguese/Brazilian origin

No 3pm kick offs to be televised.

All free kicks should be defended like this

2010-12-14T19:11:00.001Z

Old Man Falls Over

2010-12-09T11:37:00.002Z

After the Sepp Blatter and FIFA debacle, I think we need some cheering up. This should do it.

Grounds I've Visited

2010-11-27T14:05:00.035Z

Thought it would be nice to put together a list of all the grounds I have visited. Total: 136

AUSTRALIA
Sydney FC - Aussie Stadium

BELGIUM
Royal Charleroi - Stade du Pays de Charleroi

DENMARK
FC Copenhagen - Parken

ENGLAND
Basingstoke Town - The Camrose
Sunderland - Stadium of Light
York City - Bootham Crescent
Manchester United - Old Trafford
Stockport County - Edgeley Park
Sheffield Wednesday - Hillsborough
Sheffield United - Bramall Lane
Rotherham - Don Valley Stadium
Chesterfield - Saltergate
Mansfield Town - Field Mill
Lincoln City - Sincil Bank
Hucknall Town - Watnall Road
Nottingham Forest - The City Ground
Notts County - Meadow Lane
Derby County - Pride Park
Leicester City - Walkers Stadium
Coventry City - Ricoh Arena
Worcester City - St Georges Lane
Northampton Town - Sixfields
Kettering Town - Rockingham Road
Bedford Town - The New Eyrie
Cambridge City - The City Ground
Histon - Glassworld Stadium
Bury Town - Ram Meadow
Heybridge Swifts - Scraley Road
Braintree Town - Cressing Road
Bishops Stortford - Woodside Park
St Albans City - Clarence Park
Hitchin Town - Top Field
Oxford United - The Kassam Stadium
Bath City - Twerton Park
Weston-super-Mare - Woodspring Stadium
Truro City - Treyvew Road
Exeter City - St James Park
Weymouth - The Wessex Stadium
Dorchester Town - Avenue Stadium
AFC Bournemouth - Dean Court
Bashley - Bashley Road
Newport IOW - St George's Park
Cowes Sports - Westwood Park
Hamble ASSC - Folland Park
Southampton - St Mary's/The Dell
Havant & Waterlooville - Westleigh Park
Eastleigh - Silverlake Stadium
Winchester City - Denplan City Ground
Alton Town - Alton Sports Ground
Bognor Regis Town - Nyewood Lane
Lewes - The Dripping Pan
Eastbourne Borough - Priory Lane
AFC Aldermaston - AWE
Thatcham Town - Waterside Park
Reading - Madejski Stadium/Elm Park
Aldershot Town - The Recreation Ground
Fleet Town - Calthorpe Park
Farnborough/Farnborough Town - Cherrywood Road
Sandhurst Town - Memorial Park
Maidenhead United - York Road
Wycombe Wanderers - Adams Park
Canvey Island - Park Lane
Billericay Town - New Lodge
Leatherhead - Fetcham Grove
Carshalton Athletic - War Memorial Sports Ground
Sutton United - Gander Green Lane
AFC Wimbledon/Kingstonian - Kingsmeadow
Hampton & Richmond - The Beveree Stadium
Uxbridge - Honeycroft
Hayes - Church Road
Yeading - The Warren
Harrow Borough - Earlsmead
England - Wembley
Hendon - Claremont Road
Arsenal - Emirates Stadium
Fulham - Craven Cottage
Fisher Athletic - Champion Hill
Bromley - Hayes Lane
Welling United - Park View Road
Charlton Athletic - The Valley
Dagenham & Redbridge - Victoria Road
Hornchurch - The Stadium
Thurrock - Ship Lane
Grays Athletic - The Recreation Ground
MK Dons - stadiummk
Oldham Athletic - Boundary Park
Peterborough United - London Road
St Neots Town - Hunts Post Community Stadium
Barnet - Underhill
Cheltenham Town - Whaddon Road
Yeovil Town - Huish Park
Norwich City - Carrow Road
Carlisle United - Brunton Park
Burnley - Turf Moor
Bury - Gigg Lane
Walsall - Bescot Stadium
Colchester United - Weston Homes Community Stadium
Leyton Orient - Brisbane Road
Brentford - Griffin Park
Newport Pagnell Town - Willen Road
Queens Park Rangers - Loftus Road
Stevenage - Broadhall Way

GERMANY
VFB Stuttgart - Gottlieb-Daimler-Stadion

GREECE
AEK Athens - Olympic Stadium
Olympiakos - Karaiskakis Stadium

ITALY
AS Roma - Stadio Olimpico
AC Milan - San Siro

NORTHERN IRELAND
Linfield - Windsor Park
Glentoran - The Oval

REPUBLIC OF IRELAND
Bohemian FC - Dalymont Park
St Patrick's Athletic - Richmond Park

SCOTLAND
Stranraer - Stair Park
Partick Thistle - Firhill
Rangers - Ibrox
Ayr United - Somerset Park
Wigtown & Bladnoch - Trammonford Park
Girvan - Hamilton Park
Airdrie United - Excelsior Stadium
St Mirren - New St Mirren Park
Queen's Park - Hampden Park
Annan Athletic - Galabank
Inverness Caledonian Thistle - Caledonian Stadium
Aberdeen - Pittodrie
Dundee United - Tannadice
Hibernian - Easter Road
Celtic - Celtic Park
Arbroath - Gayfield Park
Kilmarnock - Rugby Park
Greenock Morton - Cappielow Park
Newton Stewart - Blairmount Park

SPAIN
Valencia - Mestalla
Atletico Madrid - Estadio Vicente Calderon

WALES
Newport County - Newport Stadium

Scottish Refs

2010-11-26T19:10:00.002Z

I have great sympathy with the striking Scottish refs.

Without officials, we wouldn't have any football. Yet coaches and fans still think it's acceptable to subject them to a tirade of abuse every weekend.

Why on Earth would anyone want to face that on a Saturday? And where are all the new refs to replace those who retire going to come from?

It's amazing how angry football crowds are. I've seen refs abused for things as simple as a throw in being given the wrong way.

I'll admit that I've been like that on occasion. Football matters a great deal, but not that much.

Every single one of us is partly responsible for what's going on in Scotland this weekend.

Of course, you always hear about bad decisions affecting the big clubs and nothing about the smaller teams.

It happens every week in the non-league where the standard of refs is a lot, lot lower.

But we care about our football clubs just as much as the fans at Celtic Park do, so in a way we get an even worse deal.

I once saw Dermont Gallagher referee a low level match and he was a class act, head and shoulders above everyone else.

What fans of big clubs never seem to remember is that the refs in the top leagues are there because they are the very best.

Sure they make mistakes, but everyone does. And it could be one hell of a lot worse.

Instead of importing foreign refs to Scotland, how about letting some junior or amateur types have a go?

That'll show people like Neil Lennon just how bad it could potentially be.

I'd love to see his face if Celtic were forced to have a lino who forgot his boots so was instead sliding down the line in plimsolls.

That's something I've seen at the Camrose and yes, many offside decisions were incorrect because of it.

Non-league fans were further shafted when fourth officials came in. Many of the best refs were pinched and now spend their Saturdays standing by a football pitch with a board.

So perhaps some people need to stop moaning and look at things in perspective.

Coyle's Still Got It

2010-11-18T15:52:00.002Z

Owen Coyle decided to play himself when Bolton travelled to Cliftonville to open the Northern Irish side's new ground. And what a bloody good decision that was:

They came to cast their eyes over the new Solitude pitch and left toasting the brilliance of Bolton Wanderers manager Owen Coyle.

The 44-year-old made a scoring return to action as the Trotters opened Cliftonville's new 3G facility with a 2-0 victory in a highly entertaining contest.

After having an early attempt ruled out for offside, Coyle tried his range with a couple of off-target efforts before working wonders in the build-up to Ivan Klasnic opening the scoring on 19 minutes.

Barry Johnston, Chris Scannell, George McMullan and Conal Burns all went close to levelling before Coyle stole the show with an outrageous chip to double the visitors' advantage.

Is he registered for the Premiership?

UTV Sport

Best Of Both Worlds

2010-11-16T21:44:00.001Z

Everyone loves a keeper clanger. Everyone loves a ridiculous miss. But it's not often you get both in the same passage of play. Take a bow, Uzbekistan v Qatar in the Asian Games.

2010 asian games quarterfinal uzbekistan vs qatar @ Yahoo! Video

Czech Team Do Forward Rolls

2010-11-05T17:32:00.001Z

What the hell is going on here? Answers on a postcard.

Riise and Pedersen Advert

2010-11-05T17:21:00.000Z

Scary, very scary.

Bedlington Get Rich

2010-11-04T18:04:00.002Z

Well this guy has the right name for a bit of football club investment. But why on earth is he at Bedlington?

Now the 488th richest man in the world, the US billionaire Robert Rich, has followed suit – by ploughing some of his fortune into lowly Bedlington Terriers.

With an estimated fortune of around $2bn, Rich has the wealth to have followed the recent trend of transatlantic investment in the Premier League. But instead, the chairman of the Rich Products Corporation (which specialises in "baked goods, desserts, barbecued meats, and Italian cuisine"), chose the Northumberland side currently seventh in the ninth tier of English football.

The 69-year-old, whose sporting background involves trials for the US Olympic ice hockey team in 1964, got involved after tracing his family back to the area. His wife bought him the title Lord of Bedlington and on further investigation he became interested in the Terriers. The American has become a shirt sponsor and has put in an undisclosed amount of cash.

He told the Journal: "I haven't made any promises. Having said that, I would love to see them do well and let them challenge me to increase our participation.

"I want to help Bedlington Terriers. I'm still learning about British football, and I understand that if they do well on the field it can move up in divisions. If this is the dream the community has, I want to help. I don't want to become an owner – I just want to help."

He will ship a £30,000 electronic scoreboard to the Welfare Park ground, and is looking to turn the club shirts into a cult item for US sports fans.

Rather than world domination, the Northern League club has modest aims, namely promotion to the same level as local rivals Blyth Spartans, four tiers above them.

"In my dream of dreams I would like to see Bedlington step on to the pitch as a League Two side," said the club secretary David Callop. "Who knows whether that might happen? But we are not splashing the cash on players now, we are slowly improving our ground."

He added: "Mr Rich could have bought Man U or Liverpool, I would imagine. He would sooner help the underdog."

Bedlington's players all have full-time jobs and are only paid expenses. Rich's current level of backing – which includes promoting the club's shirts to his 80,000 employees – will not see the side go full-time.

Callop said: "The backing has relieved us of the immediate worries of scraping by. Even at our level, clubs can take some running. For a night match when we might only have 60 or so paying punters, we have to pay £50 for the floodlights and £200 for the officials."

The link-up with Rich, who owns three baseball teams – the Buffalo Bisons, the Northwest Arkansas Naturals and the Jamestown Jammers – came out of the blue. "It's true to say our chairman thought it was a wind-up when the first phone call came through," Callop said. "When we were told about it I was over the moon, but very sceptical at the same time.

"But this is real and he wants to help us achieve the chairman's targets, which are to get the club up."

Source: Guardian

Carragher's Other Job

2010-10-29T12:49:00.003+01:00

Times are tough at Liverpool so Carra has been getting away from it all, donning the merchandise at Scottish club Blackburn United.

Car Park

2010-10-28T21:27:00.001+01:00

Okay, one more post...

2010-10-18T23:00:00.004+01:00

Not sorted your 2011 calender yet? How about Tea Huts of the Ryman League?

The idea comes to us from the folk at Basingstoke Town's friends Hendon.

The 2011 calendar, entitled "Tea Huts of the Ryman League", is now available to order and is limited to just 50 copies, so if you would like to guarantee a copy, please place your order quickly.

The calendars are in poster format, and a number of clubs are featured. They include AFC Hornchurch, Hastings United, Dartford, Eastbourne Town, Harrow Borough, Boreham Wood, Margate, Sutton United, Kingstonian, Heybridge Swifts, Waltham Abbey, Horsham, and of course it wouldn't be complete without a photo of the tea hut at Claremont Road.

Sounds good to me, much better than looking at Sophia Bush.

Hendon FC

Ireland Bound

2010-10-18T20:56:00.003+01:00

I'm off to Ireland for a bit so there won't be any updates for a while.

Did you know that a Libyan international plays for Sporting Fingal?

You do now.

He was the only member of their most recent squad not to play in the desert nation.

Must have been a tad strange.

Keepers Get Too Much Protection

2010-10-17T17:23:00.000+01:00

To brighten up Sunday afternoon, here's a ref who's not very good.

World Record Attempt

2010-10-13T20:29:00.001+01:00

Fleetwood's Steve McNulty tries to break the world record for most y'knows in an interview.

The Cold Tuesday Evenings Arena

2010-10-09T17:22:00.002+01:00

A GERMAN club have found an unusual way to make a stand against the recession - by holding a raffle to rename their stadium.

For €20, anyone can suggest a name for German fifth division side SC Westfalia Herne's 32,000 capacity - within reason - and the club will use the name for at least one season's worth of home games.

A spokesman for the club said: "Diese Chance kommt bestimmt nur einmal im Leben: „Der Weg zum Schlossherrn" heißt die neue außergewöhnliche Aktion von Westfalia Herne."

This translates as: "This chance is determined only once in a lifetime: "The road to the castle lord" is the new exceptional action of Westfalia Herne."

Hope a fan of their nearest rivals doesn't win.

Goaltastic.

Spalding Go East

2010-10-08T16:19:00.002+01:00

I know that clubs want to tap into the lucrative Asian market, but this is just ridiculous.

Dejan Stefanovic Joins Havant

2010-10-07T22:17:00.002+01:00

In a crazy piece of transfer news, Dejan Stefanović has joined Havant & Waterlooville.

He supposedly retired due to injury so it will be interesting to see how fit he is.

Either way, a great coup for the hawks and should add a few onto the gate.

Matty Burrows Goal For Glentoran

2010-10-06T15:39:00.002+01:00

Just seen this at Beat The First Man. So good that it needs to grace these pages.

A Non-League European Tour

2010-10-06T10:54:00.004+01:00

Most non-league fans have probably accepted that their club will never get into Europe.

But perhaps there is a glimmer of hope for sides who compete in the Hampshire Senior Cup.

My lot dispatched Ringwood Town 5-0 on a cold Tuesday evening this week so I decided to check out the rest of the draw.

I was delighted to see that a first round clash between Guernsey Rangers and Hamble ASSC has been scheduled.

I'm not sure how this arrangement has come to pass (I think a side from Jersey competed once or twice) but I would like to extend a warm welcome to the islanders.

As someone who gets excited about going away to the Isle of Wight, the possibility of a tie that is practically in France is very exciting indeed.

Sure it will cause logistical and financial nightmares for the club, but who really cares about that?

Some people look down on County Cups but I love them – they are the only real chance of a trophy for many so you shouldn't mug them off.

So here's hoping Guernsey can make it through two rounds (Basingstoke are already in the hat for round three).

Firstly it will allow our keeper Chris Tardif to play. A Guernsey native, he recently left the club because of a job offer back home.

Secondly, I have always wanted to chant: "WE'RE ALL GOING ON A EUROPEAN TOUR!".

Sportscene

2010-10-03T21:42:00.001+01:00

All sports themes should be like this.

Pity Support

2010-10-01T17:27:00.005+01:00

It was well documented that Histon took zero fans to Wrexham the other day.

Absolutely nobody bothered to travel to north Wales to watch the plucky villagers in action (not even the players' families).

Many naturally found this amusing, with the Welsh lot superbly chanting "It's all gone quiet over there" at the vacant away end.

But for some reason others have taken pity on the Cambridgeshire side.

This lad has set up a Facebook group trying to get a group randoms to cheer on Histon at Forest Green Rovers.

An embarrassing situation for a side at any level of football, but this lot are one level off the Football League.

Jesus wept.

Twitter

2010-09-30T17:55:00.004+01:00

Decided to experiment with a CTE twitter page.

I'm not sure what I'll do with it and I don't know how to get any followers, but if micro blogging is your bag then please get involved.

Appreciated!

Sweet Southern Bliss

2010-09-29T17:59:00.004+01:00

I may be wrong about this but with the exception of the losers of two all Conference South ties, I think that every club in the league made it through in the FA Cup at the weekend.

Yes, we needed an extra game against a club who are three divisions below us, but I don't think that really matters.

Could this be some sort of a record for a league? It seems remarkably good to me.

Anyway, while browsing the results on the FA website I found this amusing piece of football jargon. Why not call a spade a spade eh lads?

Paul Gascoigne At Garforth

2010-09-26T17:37:00.001+01:00

Blimey, it appears that Gazza is back in management with Garforth Town FC.

That's the same club that caused a media storm when they signed Brazilian legend Socrates when he was about 75.

So how long will the troubled star last at the top of the M1? Will be an interesting ride.

Well Done Keith

2010-09-26T12:41:00.002+01:00

Keith FC beat Vale of Leithen 3-1 in the Scottish Cup yesterday. The goals were scored by Keith (pen, 53), Keith (60) and Keith (69).

This is not a wind-up.

Away With The Faroes

2010-09-24T16:23:00.003+01:00

I think I've posted before about my admiration for Brian Kerr, the manager of the Faroe Islands.

Football is a great opportunity to see the world and experience many different things and for me, too many players and coaches miss out.

Why be a first team coach at some dodgy English club when you can go and broaden your mind overseas?

I know there are boring things like families to consider, but still.

Players are worse, with moves abroad regularly snubbed in favour of deals in places like Wigan.

Anyway, I like Kerr even more now after reading his assessment of his Faroes squad.

“We have four carpenters, at least six full-time students – one of them had to fly to Copenhagen and back for an exam this week – two policemen, an accountant, one fella works in a sports shop, two teachers, Andreas works in a bowling alley, and he’s doing a bit of carpentry as well. Simun is full-time in Iceland, Suni works in a fish factory, I think Frodi’s a builder, Jakup is a teacher but he’s on the town council as well, he’s like a TD. That’s kind of the run of it. The pool is quite limited, there’s no one at Milan we’ve missed out on. The Granny Rule isn’t much help either, the Faroese haven’t been huge at emigration.”

That man will have something to tell his grandchildren.

Stephen Ireland's House

2010-09-23T17:32:00.005+01:00

Now the last thing I want to do is turn this page into some sort of online Hello, but this is absolutely mental.

The couple sleep in a master bedroom (sadly not shown in the pictures) which is decorated in uncompromising aubergine, complete with purple silk bed covers, matching cushions trimmed with marabou and a giant television encased in purple crushed velvet.

The worst thing is that I now really, really want a pool table with my name on it.

Stoke PR

2010-09-22T20:39:00.002+01:00

After Andy Wilkinson's horrendous and utterly pointless challenge on Fulham's Dembele yesterday, I thought about how Stoke's media office could save a bit of time.

They just need to prepare a recorded statement and fill in certain blanks with a computerised voice (like the Mr Black sketch in The Simpsons episode where they go to Kamp Krusty).

This could then be released at various points throughout the season.

It would go something like this: Stoke City player ____________ is a lovely lad and is devastated by the incident involving _____________ .

There was no malicious intent and Mr ______________ and Stoke City are devastated, we are not a violent club.

Thanks, Lokomotiv

2010-09-19T12:31:00.006+01:00

Love this initiative at WBA.

In reaction to an incredibly racist Lokomotiv Moscow banner (that thanked West Brom for taking the Nigerian striker off their hands) fans at The Hawthorns created a banner of their own.

Excellent to see.

Bahrain v Fake Togo

2010-09-14T19:25:00.001+01:00

A mysterious Togo squad played a friendly match against Bahrain in Manama on Tuesday, according to L’Equipe. The game, won 3-0 by Bahrain, even appeared on FIFA’s website, but the Togolese football federation (FTF) stated the players who had faced the Bahraini national team were not from Togo.

According to Europe 1, a fake footballer’s agent, whose name or nationality is not yet known, sold the match to Bahrain, who are preparing for the Asian championships. But the feeble performance of squad during the friendly had stunned members of the Bahraini Football Association (BFA), who only found out the truth after the game.

“The very bad game of the ‘Togolese’ players surprised us, but then to discover that we had been dealing with a fake team was incredible,” said a member of the BFA.

Togo’s Sports Minister Christophe Tchao told Jeune Afrique that nobody back home was aware of the encounter. “We will conduct investigations to uncover all those involved in this case,” he said.

Apparently FIFA are also investigating claims that a fake Basingstoke team has turned up to every one of their games this season.

The Most Stupid Keeper Ever

2010-09-10T17:39:00.003+01:00

Silly Goalie.

Inconsistency

2010-09-10T16:10:00.003+01:00

So Ilkeston Town have been wound up with debts of £50,000.

I'd wager that Portsmouth owed a tad more than that, so what was different?

I must be missing something.

The Tackle Assassin

2010-09-10T01:16:00.003+01:00

The Human Toilet

2010-09-04T10:24:00.001+01:00

Not sure I'm going to bother with Stjarnan's celebrations after this one.

Boar Draw

2010-09-03T18:06:00.001+01:00

A German fifth division match has had to be called off after a pitch invasion by a group of wild boars left the surface in an unplayable condition.

Local officials said on Friday that wild boar had entered Dresden Borea’s Jaegerpark (Hunter Park) stadium overnight, derailing Saturday’s kickoff against Lokomotive Leipzig.

The boars left such big holes in the playing surface as they scavenged for food that there is no way the match in German’s fifth tier could be played.

This is the second time Liepzig, who lost the 1987 European Cup Winners Cup to Ajax, have had to call off a league game after last month’s match against FC Sachsen was washed out due to flooding the night before the game.

“We’re accustomed to problems in the cold months – ice, sudden onset of winter and so on,” said Lokomotive chairman Steffen Kubald on the club’s website.

“But this is the second time something unusual has happened and the schedule leaves us with no room.”

Coach Achim Steffens added: “We are in the middle of game preparation.

“Everything is designed around Saturday, you tinker with the details, the last training sessions went well and then you meet this new blow in the face.”

Of the four scheduled league games so far in their league, Lokomotive have had to call off two and face league leaders Zwickau next Friday.

Wild boar, a species of pig and the wild ancestor of the domestic pig, are native across much of northern and central Europe.

Human Bicycle Celebration

2010-08-29T14:36:00.004+01:00

Another one from Stjarnan FC, the side that brought us this.

Again, far too much effort has gone into setting this up.

Can just imagine the manager trying to get the lads out onto to the training pitch but having little success as they are poncing about with choreography.

Edgar Davids Gets The Train

2010-08-27T22:12:00.004+01:00

Budget cuts are getting ridiculous at Palace. Bet Edgar at least expected a team coach to the matches.

Ridiculous Pitch Invasion

2010-08-27T16:20:00.000+01:00

Manage Weymouth

2010-08-26T22:02:00.006+01:00

Amongst prizes in the auction at Thursday evenings Sportsman Dinner at the Bob Lucas Stadium is a chance to be the manager of Weymouth FC.

Supporters have the chance to bid to become the clubs manager throughout the whole of this seasons Dorset Senior Cup campaign.

This will include all rounds, so if the Terras reach the final it will be down to you and the players who have played under you!

The winner with the highest bid will have an exclusive roll at the club in choosing the starting line-up, substitutes etc and will give all teams talks before and after the game.

Usual first-team Manager Ian Hutchinson will step aside, no doubt keeping an eye out from up in the stand looking to pick up tips in the process!

Chairman George Rolls does not know of any club that have given fans a chance like this before in a competitive competition.

Bids have already started to come in and stand at £412.00

Don't worry if you are not attending tomorrow's Sportsman Dinner, as you can bid by contacting George Rolls at georgerolls@btinternet.com

A good piece of marketing or utter lunacy? CTE are drawn to the latter.

Humiliating for the club and the fans (although highly amusing for the rest of us) and so far there is only £412 in the pot.

Who knows, maybe Claude Anelka will be interested?

Non-League Football Day

2010-08-25T17:47:00.002+01:00

Thought I would throw my support behind this initiative taking place on September 4.

With the England game on the Friday night during the international weekend, the call has gone out to get people down to their local club.

Hope it helps to attract a few more converts to the beautiful game in its purest form.

Conference Football on Premier Sports

2010-08-20T10:05:00.007+01:00

In what seems like an odd business deal, top brass at the Conference have decided to reject an offer from the BBC to show highlight packages and have instead signed a three year contract with unknown broadcaster Premier Sports.

Ignoring exposure on the country's main broadcaster doesn't sound like the greatest of plans especially when Premier Sports will cost subscribers an extra £6.99 a month – how many people are likely to pay that?

Most non-league fans will be at their team's game anyway, so it seems doubtful that there will be many at home wanting to watch the matches.

Surely a highlights package, perhaps with one game extended, would be more than enough for this level.

A statement on the deal said the following:

In a joint enterprise with Premier Sports, the Conference can now offer those who want the opportunity to watch all that is best outside the Premiership and Football League, the ability to subscribe to a monthly membership for just £6.99. The uniqueness of the deal over and above the normal rights fee paid by the broadcaster to the competition, will see the Conference receive 50% of all subscriptions once a nominal level of subscribers has been achieved.

Just what the nominal level is has not been made clear, so this obviously leads to worries that the clubs will get nothing.

And will the fans have to put up with ridiculous kick off changes, often at the last minute, just like what happened when Setanta had the coverage?

I hope the TV deal works out for all concerned – definitely one to keep an eye on.

The question is, will anyone be keeping an eye on the games shown by Premier Sports?

Sibir Novosibirsk v PSV Eindhoven

2010-08-19T16:33:00.004+01:00

Even though Russia stretches all the way to the Pacific Ocean, its football teams qualify for European competition no matter where they happen to be.

To the best of my knowledge Luch Vladivostok have never featured (just as well as they should be in the Japanese league) but Sibir Novosibirsk is still fairly ridiculous.

Based in the middle of Siberia and absolutely miles from Europe, the club faced PSV Eindhoven in the Europa League today.

Kicking off in the middle of the day our time thanks to a ludicrous time difference, Novosibirsk nicked a 1-0 victory late on – absolute heartbreak for any Dutch fans who happened to travel all that way.

Much respect to anyone who did as their final destination was closer to Mongolia than home.

Going that far to watch a team kick a ball around for 90 minutes – utter nonsense whichever way you look at it.

No FA Action Against Luton

2010-08-18T23:48:00.003+01:00

Incredibly, the FA have decided to take no action against Luton Town following the disgraceful scenes at last year's Conference playoff semi, when York City players were forced to shelter in the stands from a bunch of brainless thugs.

The organisation that regularly hands out points deductions for misdemeanors involving paperwork has decided that nothing should be done here.

Take a look at the footage below - what exactly needed to have happened for Luton to be punished?

The Young Boys Red Seat

2010-08-17T18:26:00.007+01:00

Here's an interesting fact about the ground of Tottenham's Champions League opponents, and it's not the fact that it is called Wankdorf (snigger).

Can this really be true?

“A peculiar feature of the Stade de Suisse is the presence of a single, red seat (the other seats are black and yellow). This was the first seat installed at the new stadium, on January 20, 2005, and the honour of unveiling it was given to former Young Boys player and manager Walter Eich.

“There are no tickets available for this seat; every game the seat is occupied by a notable personality, often with ties to Young Boys.

In a recent tradition, newcomers to Young Boys are sometimes asked to sit in the hot seat, where they are offered a lap dance. While some view this as an important part of team bonding, the tradition is still viewed as optional, as some players have found this offering offensive.”

I'm trying to find out if the last bit is true, but I don't really want to search for Young Boys lap dance.

Unfortunate Kit Sponsors

2010-08-16T19:42:00.004+01:00

On The Bandwagon

2010-08-16T18:41:00.002+01:00

Blackpool, it seems, have decided to release a DVD of their impressive opening day win against Wigan.

Fair enough it was a good result, but is that not a little embarassing?

DVDs should surely be saved for trophy wins and huge cup upsets - for instance Basingstoke's shock away win over Carling Cup heroes Chesterfield a few years back.

When you bring one out for a league win, against a side who are supposed to be your equals, and in that particular division, more equal than most, then doesn't it say to the world that you don't feel like you really belong in the Premiership?

Some of those fans have been supporters for two weeks now so deserve better.

Bad Luck Of The Draw

2010-08-14T00:22:00.002+01:00

The draw for the Berks and Bucks Senior Invitation Cup has had to be redrawn after Wycombe Wanderers were omitted by mistake from the original draw.

Holders Maidenhead United will now begin their defence of the trophy in the quarter-final stage against either Slough or Marlow who will meet a round earlier at Oak Tree Road.

Windsor and Eton have been drawn away at Burnham, the winners will play away at Wycombe in the quarter-finals.

Perhaps Wycombe took their own ball out of the hat because, well, they just can't be arsed?

Why Martin O'Neill left

2010-08-12T22:04:00.005+01:00

So Martin O'Neill has become the first big name casualty of the season, despite the fact that it hasn't even started.

A few theories have been branded about in an attempt to explain why he left but I would like to add one more to the mix.

MON's position had clearly become untenable after a 2-1 pre-season defeat to none other than Basingstoke Town.

Yep, that result actually happened a few short weeks ago at the home of football.

And before you start saying things like "I bet it was a Villa XI", consider this.

Their back four that day consisted of Luke Young, Cuellar, Shorey and Davies. That's over £20 million in talent and they still conceded two goals against a bunch of postmen and window cleaners.